Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
