She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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