it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
