why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
