...so i touched it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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