This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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