Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
