Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
