I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
