You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
