Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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