you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
