It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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