forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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