We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
