I think my fart just growled at me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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