just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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