i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize