you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
