New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Your penis caused this!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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