This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
