I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
