But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
