Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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