So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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