I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
