How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
