I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
