Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize