that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
