If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
