So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
