youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
