I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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