It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
