I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Randomize
