Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
