Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
