why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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