You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
