So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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