I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
