Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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