strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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