Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
