I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
should my penis look like a turkey
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
