My room smells like vodka and shame
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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