took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
