i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
