i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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