So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
