I hate all girls vehemently.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
