stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
