How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
