i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am naked and annoyed.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
