if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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