You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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