She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
