You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
