Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize