i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize