If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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