I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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