I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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