Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
