If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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