we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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