it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
