I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
