I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
