I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
