His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
