she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
