I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
