I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Randomize
