So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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