Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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