I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
