the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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