No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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