just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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