I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
