after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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