If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
