Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
