went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize