WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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