i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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