So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
