I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
