the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
