I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She told me I should be a condom model.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize