I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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