Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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