Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize