my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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