everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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