Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
