No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
