Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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