Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we're making bets on your personal life
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
